My Story

Where to begin with this..

For a long time since my Dad died I have had something eating away at the part in my brain and soul I iust couldn't scratch. It Is tormented me for a long long time and encouraged the worst of habits. I became a compulsive liar. Had massive body dysmorphia growing up (still tendencies now). Incredibly bullied for the way I dressed, looked and my personality and faith.

I looked for comfort, gratification and the feeling of being wanted then in the wrong places and got addicted to porn at a very young age and l'm not afraid to admit that. We live in a society today where the porn industry etc is so normalised that we have become so desensitised to it around us and accepted it into our lives. Well for me I believe this to be true anyway. Alongside that and some rogue choices when younger, I walled up the many problems within myself and found other avenues to use as a vice - alcohol, drugs you name it.

I joined Movember in hope that I could fund my way out of this darkness or maybe the fact helping loads of others would bury what I was battling with inside for a long long time.

A good friend of mine told me "it's great you want to help others and show them how to put on their oxygen mask, but only you can put yours on and you need to do if first".

I never practiced what I preached properly and the for 2020-2022 I became essentially an alcoholic and abused pain killers from the burns accident etc. I was in an unhealthy relationship with my body and mind.

I really hurt a lot of people around me and someone very very dear to me, who all they did was care and love me and I broke that trust and love. I then had a mental breakdown, became broke, had terrible anxiety for the first time ever, and was depressed. I had to pull out of my Army application due to this. I would have moments where I couldn't breath and would have to call samaritans.

...through all this I finally said enough was enough. I got offered antidepressants and all sorts but I knew I could battle through this. I picked up my Bible for the first time in years and found my faith again, Iearnt how to control all my vices and became way better off for it. I got the opportunity to move to conrwall and work with the pirates soon after and have thrived since!

This charity raise and run isn't for me to go "oh woe is me and look and my body and headspace now". It's the fact of me not stopping what I love doing and becoming the  person who I want to truly be. Finding the 5y.o in me again and showing him how proud I can make him. I've learnt to really not care for others opinions of me as that what drove me to my lowest point in the first place because of a certain video and comments.

My advice is to go and get that help you need. Go and do whatever it is that makes you happy, set that challenge and goal for yourself because the fucking exhilaration from doing it is amazing. I've been there in that horrible headspace and I can honestly tell you there is a way out! 

- I've never felt more amazing

I'm running to show others there is always hope and to raise money to help Samaritans be here, day and night, for anyone who’s struggling to cope. Every step I take and pound we raise could help train more volunteers, answer more calls for help and, ultimately, save lives. I'm running with the official Charity of the Year for the 2024 TCS London Marathon, to show millions of people that no matter what they’re facing, a Samaritan will face it with them.

We believe in tomorrow and together we can save lives.